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A YEAR ON

This first year of grieving is certainly hard work, the 'firsts' are all coming and washing over us all as we grapple with them. The birthday, Easter, Christmas, angel anniversary etc.

I have found writing a way of focusing, I don't write much, just some words which capture the moment, and as I reflect back over those words now, I see just how they have changed in their 'feeling' in their 'action' in their 'intent' words are such powerful messengers I am so grateful I can use them to express how I feel at any given moment.

A year on has taught me the value of being of remaining still enough to embrace the moment, to really be in the present, not in the past, yearning for what was nor the future of planning what could be. This has been the greatest source of peace for me as I am able to be fully present in Now.

A year on has taught me how to connect even more with the community both in my immediate surrounds, and a community which exists worldwide, the net has connected me to others who travel on the path that I find myself on, to find ones 'tribe' is most empowering. I feel connected, I feel I belong. I am not fearful of the world I embrace it and God with all my heart, and Angels by my side I am happily out of the spiritual closet.

A year on has deepened my relationship with Kurt, the physical longing to hug him and talk with him is still strong and I doubt that it will ever leave, but it has been replaced with a deep knowing that he continues his journey his life, and we too here continue to 'do' for Kurt, we are now his hands and have committed to carry out his tasks with our lives.

I have a very deep warmth and love in my heart for my family and the world, Kurt speaks to my heart and I know 'where' he is always, he is a breath away, a thought away and yet he is always present. Omnipresent.

My consciousness is well and truly awakened ! In a year I have met some very spiritual people who have helped me personally on my way. I have an 'army' of them seen and unseen, I feel utterly blessed, utterly safe. I smile when I see that and I wonder at the sadness of a year ago and the transforming effect of now the present. Oh so much has happened and these words don't serve to convey the meaning.

A year on has taught me so much, I welcome this year with open arms.

Peace to you now and always

Deborah

4/02/04